Friday, January 20, 2012

Why Wait?

Once upon a time, not so very long ago I had the habit of waiting for my life to really begin. Everything up until then was just passing the time, while I waited. I waited for someone to decide suddenly to figure out how to cure my genetic disease - a rare disease of a host of rare diseases. I understand the last big research on more than maintenance was when Gregor Mendel invented genetics. You see the silliness of sidelining myself while I was living my life waiting for someone else to remove the imperfections?

What about G-d? Didn't you turn to the Holy, some folks asked me? Well, yes, I did. I read Scriptures. I prayed a lot. I still do both of those things every day. And I found I could treat the Holy like a drive-through menu and order up what I wanted. But I wouldn't necessarily receive what I ordered.  I found I could be angry and sad and the Holy was the One who wouldn't grow weary being around angry and sad (Isaiah 40:27-28). I could celebrate the blessings I understood and experienced even in the middle of this waiting I was doing (remember: I was waiting for my life to really begin). And while I learned how to lean into the Comforter of Comforters, the Most Merciful and Most Compassionate, I also started to learn to understand and meet blessings that came through my grief, pain, and limitations, or at least traveled right alongside them.

Perhaps I would have waited longer, if I hadn't tumbled to the fact that there's no cure for what I have. I find mercy in that. I'm free to live as I am now, without waiting for something to perfect me first. The first creation story in Genesis bears the Holy's blessing, "And it was good." Creation is fundamentally good. Life is fundamentally good, even with pain, grief, sorrow, challenges, iniquity, and trouble.

Learning to do that is one of the reasons you'll hear frequently from those of us accepting our diseases and imperfections that imperfection is a blessing. We are the people we are because of these experiences and how they've changed, challenged, and tested us, including all the hoo-ha heaped upon us by social expectations of what perfect is, and the gospel of good-enough-then-you-will-get-enough.

Today, I have no yearning for my life to really begin. My life is going on, right now, right where I am, with all the imperfections and all the blessings, all the not knowing and all the wonderment.




2 comments:

  1. Beautifully said. I couldn't agree more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is beautiful and compelling.

    As someone who has benefited from your ministry, I'm very grateful you didn't wait to begin.

    ReplyDelete

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